Jumping Off a Piece Paper

Do you have something important that you need to do but even the thought of it makes you feel so uncomfortable that you just avoid it?

It might be risking rejection; doing something boring; risking looking stupid.....

In this great podcast, DJ Moran talks about slicing these challenges up really thinly. Finding the point where you have made it small enough that you will take action. He uses the metaphor of jumping off a piece of paper. Even though the jump is really, really tiny; you are still jumping and that is very different to not jumping at all.

And once you have gotten moving, you might tackle jumping off the phone book next!

Another cross post from Working With ACT

Why is Taking a Break So Difficult

I took a ‘sicky’ the other day (is that just an Australian word? In case it is - it means an 'unplanned absence’). I wasn’t sick. I was just tired. Normally I am full of energy and enthusiasm for my life. I feel that each moment drips with meaning and purpose. From writing the speech I am giving next week on goal setting to attending my daughter’s commencement ceremony at school, it all matters so much. And this is wonderful, but now and again I get very, very tired.

A pot of green tea on my deck

So i made myself a pot of green tea, downloaded a Georgian Historical Romance onto my ipad and spent a few hours on the day bed on my deck, snoozing and reading.

Now I feel better.

You would think that taking a few hours off would be an easy thing to do... but not for me. My mind alternates between reminding me of all I have to do and busily problem solving (‘I need an activity to illustrate that point about goal setting, what would work? I must remember to ring the plumber. That balustrade needs painting...’). Of course, if I had decided to carry on working, my mind would have gone on and on about how tired I was (‘I am sooo tired. I need to rest. I can’t concentrate. I wonder if I am getting sick?’).

A few years ago, Russ Harris taught me, ‘Your mind is not your friend'. I find it is helpful to know this. Whatever I do, part of my mind will chatter away in an unhelpful fashion. This is part of being human. The trick is to do what is right in that moment - whether it is to rest or work or play - and take my chattery mind along with me.

This is a cross post from my Working with ACT blog - hope you don't mind

Persistence and Success

Ellie passed her written driving licence test today. We were very pleased and celebrated with fish and chips at a park by the bay. Lovely!


She has had a few unsuccessful stabs at the test. She knows the answers but freaks out and can't remember them. But she wants to be able to drive a car so we just kept going back until she passed.


As her Mum I am very heartened to see her displaying such persistence because it predicts future success.


Stephen Kaplan reports his finding that:

'CEOs who are persistent, efficient and proactive get things done'

However we need to know what to persist at, this poor fellow on Dragon's Den is persisting in investing time and money in a product that no-one wants:




So how do we know whether to persist or not? 
Seth Godin has some suggestions in The Dip and I have some from negotiation theory

• Work out the cost benefit ratio  - and do some research to make sure that these two are accurate. Your best guess is unlikely to be right.
• Decide some markers in advance that tell you it is time to quit - 'If in 6 months time I am still not turning a profit, I will quit' or 'If in 3 months time we are still fighting every week, then I will leave'. Write it down and then stick to it. Again, research this, so the marker is reasonable rather than a figure you made up.
• Consider that it might not be the goal that is wrong but your approach to achieving the goal - get some good advice and see if you can improve your chances.
• Work out what your best alternative is if you quit and see if you can improve it
• And remember:

“The Opposite of Quitting Isn’t ‘Waiting Around’…the opposite of quitting is rededication. The opposite of quitting is an invigorated new strategy designed to break the problem apart.” Seth Godin

We Need Reminding to Do The Right Thing

Doing a spot of weeding

Today I did some gardening. I love gardening. It is good for me and it makes me happy. But I don't do it very often.

What made me do it today? (FYI That is a solution focussed question - much better than -'Why don't I do it more often?')

Well, at the weekend I had a conversation with Albert about my hopes and dreams for my life. I realised that I am doing quite well in most areas of my life but one of my dreams is to create a lovely garden and I am not doing well on that one. So today I did some gardening.

And what else seems to help me get out into the garden? (another solution focussed question!)

A few weeks ago I found out that the most long lived people in the Terman study (a long term study of clever people!) didn't do 'exercise' they were just active doing what they loved. This suggested to me that I needed to garden more often.  So I got out there on that day.

What I think this means is that Alain de Botton is right. We need repeated reminders to help us do the right thing. He suggests we need to structure our lives to include those reminders. I am not sure how to do that yet - I will let you know!