Research on how to rear happy, healthy kids is becoming pretty impressive - here are the top tips from the research:
- Protect them from emotional, physical and sexual abuse
- Protect them from cruel environments (teasing, criticism, harsh punishment)
- Sort out conflict between parents in kindhearted and effective ways
- If either parent becomes depressed, do something about it
- Don't use coercion and harsh punishment to try to control their behaviour instead be warm and flexible
- Feed them Omega 3 supplements
- Teach and encourage kind and empathic behaviour by prompting it (Sarah, how do you think Kate is feeling? Do you think she needs a hug?'); noticing and praising it ('David, you were so kind to play Barbie with Katie. She looked so happy.') and modelling it yourself.
- Send them to a school that encourages kind and empathic behaviour.
- Give them attention. Play with them, chat with them, be interested and caring.
- Notice when they do the right thing. It can be so easy to react when kids do the wrong thing and ignore it when they get things right, consciously try to focus on what they get right whilst also dealing with any poor behaviour.
- When they are learning new and difficult behaviours, such as sharing their toys or handling conflict well, break it down into small steps and set up some form of reward system (like a sticker chart) but don't overuse external rewards.
- Where possible give them choices (and coach them to understand the likely consequences of those choices).
- Make sure they are supervised after school - including in their teenage years.
- Encourage them to be mindful.
- Help them to choose their values and then encourage them to make decisions in line with their values.
If you have young children then I highly recommend the Triple P program which is summarised in this book. Not only does it have strong evidence to support it but also I used it with my kids and they would both say it was a good approach! What more proof do you need!
