What Have You Done Today To Make You Feel Proud?

Marching for Equal Love

Today Ellie and I went to the Equal Love rally. We marched and shouted our support for the rights of LGBT people to have their love recognised through marriage.

A gorgeous drag queen, in red and black sequins, lipsynced to this song and the crowd loved it!

What have you done today to make you feel proud?

Now, this seems like a good question. But it is actually a bit problematic.

Because pride is a tricky emotion. We probably don't come programmed with instructions for when to feel pride. The people around us teach us when to feel it. This means that sometimes the things that make us feel proud can be kind of messed up. Some of us think that we have to do something extraordinary (like win gold in the Olympics or make a million dollars or look like Barbie) before we can feel proud and others think just showing up is enough.

And, for most of us, pride and shame are poured from the same cup.

For example, I felt proud to be taking action on an issue that is close to my heart and I also felt ashamed because:
1. This is only the second gay rights march I have ever been on. Why do I claim to care about it and then not join the protests?
2. I know that one of the best ways to combat homophobia is to be 'out'. So that people can see that LGBT people are their friends, colleagues, neighbours and relatives and not so strange and scary. But over and over I have chosen to hide my own sexuality (I am bisexual) because I don't want to risk prejudice (or more commonly, creepy invitations to threesomes - yuk).

So if we can't use pride as a marker for a life well lived; what question should we ask instead?  A question that is more likely to steer us in the right direction might be:

What have you done today that moved you towards your values?

Okay, I know it isn't quite as catchy! But it is better because we can consciously choose our values and then we get to choose what is worthy of pride. This seems better than continuing to act out the emotional scripts that we have unconsciously learnt. Of course sometimes, even when we are doing the right thing, pride refuses to show up. We can then choose to acknowledge that we have made a small step in the right direction and eventually, step by step we become more the person we want to be.

So, how did you live your values today?