If Positive Affirmations Only Help People with High Self-Esteem - What Is a Better Way of Dealing with Low Confidence?

Do you ever feel bad for having ‘negative’ thoughts? Do you repeat positive affirmations about yourself in an attempt to lift your confidence? At least 50% of us do this regularly and sometimes it does seem to help. However, recent research is suggesting we need to be careful about using this strategy. A group of Canadian researchers found that:

‘When people with low self-esteem repeated the statement, ‘‘I’m a lovable person’’ (Study 2), or focused on ways in which this statement was true of them (Study 3), neither their feelings about themselves nor their moods improved—they got worse. Positive self-statements seemed to provide a boost only to people with high self-esteem—those who ordinarily feel good about themselves already—and that boost was small.’

What seems to happen is that when we repeat a positive self-statement, we tend to assess whether we think it is true or not. If we have a positive view of ourselves, we are likely to accept the statement and perhaps feel slightly reassured. However, if the statement is very different to our view of ourselves then our minds tend to respond with ‘Yeh right! If I am so lovable then why did Jane dump me?’ We are reminded of our failings and hey presto we feel worse.

So, relying on positive self-statements to get us through challenges is a risky strategy.

Some better options when you are about to do something that involves the risk of failure, rejection or disapproval are:

• Put effort in to give yourself the best chance of getting it right. Prepare, practice, get the necessary skills. When it doesn’t go well, reflect on your performance and seek feedback so you can learn how to do better next time. Nothing builds confidence like repeated experiences of success.
• Adopt a mindful stance to all of your thoughts and emotions. Notice with curiosity, compassion and openness what your mind comes up with. For example, as your anxiety rises say ‘Ah, there is anxiety, I am not surprised anxiety showed up, this is important to me,
•  Instead of repeating ‘I am confident’, remind yourself of the values that are motivating you to take this action, for example: ‘I am giving this presentation because I want to help people do well in their work’. (Reaffirming values increases performance)
• Ground yourself. Notice this moment with your five senses. Connect with what you are doing. Bring your attention to the task at hand and the people with you. Your mind will repeatedly try to pull you away, each time you notice that this has happened, thank your mind (it is trying to help!) and reconnect with this moment.

For more on this topic I recommend The Confidence Gap by Russ Harris