Being Undeniably Good

Last night I saw an amazing young Guitarist, Daniel Champagne.

He has clearly done the 10,000 hours practice that is needed to become an expert.
The photo of Daniel was taken by my 18 year old son, Patrick.  Patrick is working towards his 10,000 hours so he can become 'undeniably good' (Steve Martin) at photography.  You can see how he is doing on his website www.patrickselfvisuals.com

A question I keep coming back to when I ponder on my life direction is:

What am I so passionate about that I am willing to put in the time to become 'undeniably good'?

And for me, for the last 27 years it has been about building the skills so that I can support people in creating rich and meaningful lives.

What is your answer to that question?

Why Don’t Kids Make Us Happy? | Psychology Today

Why Don’t Kids Make Us Happy? | Psychology Today:

In this article Sonja Lyubomirsky explores the 'parenthood paradox' which is that:

"Although achieving every other human motive (like satisfying thirst or hunger, gaining social status, or finding Mr. Right) makes us tremendously happy, having children appears to be the one exception. Indeed, research suggests that despite most people's widely-professed desire to have children, parenthood is associated with decreased, rather than increased, well-being. To offer just one often-cited example, working women asked to recall their previous day in excruciating detail rated taking care of their children as just slightly more positively than the unpleasant tasks of commuting and performing household chores."

She exlores how hard parenting is and how unsupported parents are in current western cultures compared to our predecessors' who lived in larger family units and tribes.

In the end she uses a quote from Stephen Colbert (The Colbert Report) to sum up what is probably going on:

"...Children are a pain in the ass, I'll grant you that, but the feeling that comes with children is a feeling that is superior to happiness...a sublime feeling."

This is not just true of parenting but of many difficult and challenging endeavours. If something has deep meaning and purpose for us then, although at times it may be painful, there is a deep joy associated with it that goes beyond happiness.

Mindfulness Bell

I can get very caught up in my thoughts and miss this moment now. Mindfulness is very good for our brains - like exercise is for our bodies.  I have come across a lovely way to be reminded to drop into the present.  Download the mindfulness bell onto your computer and set it to sound randomly.  Whenever it sounds pause and

• listen to the sound and see if you can catch when it finishes
• notice 5 breaths - the air going in and out, the movement of your chest
• notice your 5 senses - Notice 3 things you are experiencing in each sense.

Humility

Petersen and Seligman give a lovely discussion of Humility in 'Character Strengths and Virtues'.


 By humility they don't mean a Uriah Heep sort of cloying obsequiousness and insincerity:

"When I was quite a young boy,' said Uriah, 'I got to know what umbleness did, and I took to it. I ate umble pie with an appetite. I stopped at the umble point of my learning, and says I, "Hard hard!" When you offered to teach me Latin, I knew better. "People like to be above you," says father, "keep yourself down." I am very umble to the present moment, Master Copperfield, but I've got a little power!"

Chapter XXXIX David Copperfield

Instead they are suggesting: 

'A non-defensive willingness to see the self accurately' 

'Humble individuals will not wilfully distort information in order to defend, repair or verify their own image'

People with this quality are more forgiving, more likeable and more likely to learn from experience.


This is clearly wise - and tough.  In order to let information about who we really are in, we need to learn to be genuinely compassionate towards ourselves and others.

Encouraging results from the largest clinical study ever conducted on treating depression with Omega-3

Encouraging results from the largest clinical study ever conducted on treating depression with Omega-3: "Initial analyses failed to clearly demonstrate the effectiveness of Omega-3 for all patients taking part in the study. Other analyses, however, revealed that Omega-3 improved depression symptoms in patients diagnosed with depression unaccompanied by an anxiety disorder. Efficacy for these patients was comparable to that generally observed with conventional antidepressant treatment."

The Demons on the Boat

In his lovely book, The Happiness Trap, Russ Harris writes about the Demons on the Boat.

Imagine your life journey is like a voyage on a yacht.  Unfortunately most of us have a set of demons on our boat.  Whenever we turn our boat towards doing something important but scary (asking someone on a date, giving a speech, telling someone how we really feel, starting a new business, writing a blogpost!) our demons appear on deck telling us how stupid we are to take the risk, how it will go wrong, reminding us of other times when we tried something similar and it went badly.  At this point we have a choice  - we can let the demons control our life and move away from the scary but important activity, or, we can pause, check whether there is anything practical we need to do in response to the fears raised by the demons (e.g. find out if the person is single :-), spend some time practising the speech, do some market research to check if our business idea is likely to be successful) and then carry on.

If we do the first and let the demons control our life, they become more and more active and control more and more of what we do.

If we do the second, the demons don't go away (sorry about that!) but we do get better and better at not taking them so seriously. At making brave choices. At creating a life that is rich and meaningful to us.

Gain Self-Insight Through Abstract Thinking — PsyBlog

Gain Self-Insight Through Abstract Thinking — PsyBlog:

We are more accurate in working out what others think of us when we imagine how others will see us in several months time compared to trying to put ourselves in the other person's shoes