Overcoming Self-Defeating Patterns of Behaviour

Most of us have some familiar self-defeating patterns of behaviour. It could be:

• Eating junk food when stressed or sad
• Trying to control other people 
• Dating people who don't treat us well
• Working too hard
• Spending too much time sitting watching bad TV
• ......the list goes on....

Most of us have also spent a lot of time figuring out 'What makes me act in this way?' and sometimes that is helpful. But I want to suggest an alternative strategy based on solution-focussed techniques:

1. Work out what behaviour you would like to do instead. For example: 'When I am stressed, I would like to nurture myself with delicious, healthy food'

2. Decide how that behaviour links to your values. (What you want your life to be about, Who you want to be in the world): I want to look after my body so that I give myself the best chance of living to a healthy old age where I can be a loving Mum, good friend, caring partner and continue to do the things I enjoy.

3. Ask yourself: Have there been any times when I have chosen the preferred behaviour? Have there been times when I have been stressed and I have eaten healthy food? What were the circumstances? What was different about those times? I didn't have to cook alone - I was either with someone who I enjoy preparing a meal with or I bought something easy and healthy that I could just heat up.

4. Could you make that happen more often when you are stressed? Probably.

5. Make a plan. 

When I cook a healthy meal, I will do a little extra and put it in the freezer so I can heat it up when I am tired and stressed

If I know I have got a stressful week coming up, I will schedule time to cook and eat with my loved ones. 

6. Start with one small step

7. Expect setbacks and lapses and respond to them with compassion