This is a great article - here are the highlights:
'having high self-esteem is related to many positive benefits such as reduced instances of depression and anxiety and greater optimism.'' however "much research also shows that people high in self-esteem are often defensive in the face of negative feedback, can be narcissistic and may not always take responsibility for their actions'
Daut suggests 'another positive trait that has many of the benefits we seek from self-esteem but without the drawbacks: self-compassion.' 'Self-compassion is defined as “being kind toward oneself in instances of pain or failure; perceiving one’s experiences as part of the larger human experience; and holding painful thoughts and feelings in balanced awareness (mindfulness).'(Neff, Rude, Kirkpatrick)
'People high in self-compassion react to negative feedback with more acceptance and with an orientation towards growth and the development of mastery. People low in self-compassion react in opposite ways: they reject negative feedback and often fail to learn from it.
People high in self-compassion tend to have less negative emotions when distressing events occur and take more responsibility for these events. As a result, they are also more willing to make needed changes.'
He recommends building self compassion when dealing with painful events by using 'the following prompts each of which focuses on a component of self-compassion – (1) common humanity, (2) self-kindness, (3) mindfulness.'
This means:
- Considering how others may suffer similar difficulties - it is part of being human.
- Treat yourself as a kind friend would treat you.
- Notice with openness and curiosity your thoughts and emotion
