In Sickness and in Health

As a country GP, my father used to sometimes have the sad job of giving bad news.  He would sit at a kitchen table and tell a husband that his wife had been diagnosed with an incurable illness.  That she would become progressively more and more incapacitated - no longer able to care for the children or help with the chores,  eventually needing care herself.   My father noticed two types of response to this terrible news. One sort of husband would become anxious and immediately say, 'I can't do that doctor, If she gets too bad she'll have to go in a home' and the other sort would sit quietly and then say, 'Tell me what I have to do.'

Perhaps, like me, hearing that story, you are wondering how you would respond in that situation? Perhaps you feel compassion and understanding for the first response and admiration for the second?

My father's advice to me was: When you are considering making a commitment to a long term relationship with some one, imagine yourself in that situation, hearing that bad news.  What is your first response? If it is 'I couldn't do that' then be cautious about making the commitment.  If it is 'I would do my best to care for them' then you are on the right track.

And know that you are human, sometimes we do need to let an institution care for unwell loved ones, so that we can be there for them in other ways.